Story:

I am a woman (who loves certain women). Throughout my childhood, occasionally I felt and behaved like a boy, or rather a little „dude“. But only occasionally. But as I grew older, I increasingly felt like a woman, physically and spiritually. I could also say that I’m a lesbian :)  if someone insists on defining it.

The first feelings towards women occurred in kindergarten or early school years, but during that period, it was mostly towards older women (teachers, singers, etc.). The first time I was sure that I was seriously attracted to women was around the age of 6; I fell in love with one of the two singers from ABBA, the brunette. I stared at the cassette cover we had at home for months, listened to it a thousand times, and dreamed about that beautiful woman. That was some kind of, let’s call it, semi-conscious internal coming out. After that, I fell in love with both girls and boys, depending on the time. But I became more aware that I was more attracted to girls and that I could and wanted to have a deeper and more beautiful relationship with them.

Given the environment and circumstances in which I grew up, as well as my shyness by nature and on this matter, I didn’t dare openly express my affinity towards women. So, throughout high school, I ‘dated’ boys but was really in love with girls with whom I sometimes had quite close friendships to somehow experience that affection. My first real relationship with a girl happened when I was 19 years old when I left my hometown to study in Split.

My first coming out was in my late twenties, more ‘forced’ because I ‘stole’ a girl from her long-time boyfriend, which he didn’t like at all, so he outed us. I didn’t care; I was in love, and he was a jerk. As I was still somewhat shy and closed off, it was hard for me to talk about my privacy; in fact, I wished that people could figure it out themselves if they were interested so that I wouldn’t have to. However, in a later phase, I got tired of that game, so I started introducing my girlfriends to my parents and friends. That’s when I experienced complete freedom.